Slowly, it Evolves…Victims Can No Longer Isolate Themselves.

I was very reclusive in my youth. I joked around about drinking and partying and such, in the fashion of Cheech and Chong.  I discovered after a while that I was merely trying to “fit in”.  I have since discovered that I don’t have to fit in to any particular niche.  I am who I am. People can accept me or not accept me, but there are two things about me that never change over time. I am honest.  I speak my mind.  Not many people can handle that trait.  It comes from having been through a lot of hell, much I do not really discuss, but when I hear people talk as if their pain is the only one that matters, I can come unglued. 

There are different types of suffering and abuse in this world.  I know it from a place no one should ever have had to experience it–at home.  I am currently writing a book on this, but for those of you who follow my bullying blogs, I don’t see how we can possibly stop bullying or get anything productive done in society by  isolating ourselves from one another.  The pain of the homosexual child being bullied is every bit as real and intense as the child who gets beaten, raped and abused at home–only to come to school to suffer the taunts of those bullies (and sometimes get assaulted even further). 

Here is the point of my post.  Anyone who has ever been bullied has experienced their own type of prison.  That prison was the closest thing to Hell on Earth for many people.  However, as intense as our pain is, we must unite with others who have been bullied and abused to make our voices heard as one voice.  If not, we are failing every generation that follows.   It does not matter if one is homosexual or not, or if one is from another country or not.  What matters is that a united front stands a better chance of accomplishing anything than a divided front.   We are failing our children if we do not address this as one voice, one people and one nation.

I am no activist and do not wish to be so now.  However there is/are voice(s) out there that people  will hear.  You voice might prevent the next Jonesboro.  Your voice might prevent the next Columbine.  Your voice might stop the next child from taking matters into his or her own hands to address his/her abusers and ruin the rest of his/her life.

Where are you?  This country needs you to get together and speak up.  The children are depending on you.  Forget the news networks.  None of them talk much about this until something major happens!  It is time to be proactive and not reactive.  You do not have to have a child in public school to ask a school board what is being done to stop school violence and make them answer.  People around the world must unite to stop bullying on a global scale as well.  

It is time to quit comparing battle scars with each other (and with other groups and unite).   My pain is no less or more intense than yours even if it is a different situation. Being separate does not solve anything.  You will get told what you “want to hear” and then nothing will come of it, but if people who have been severely abused and bullied were to rally together–someone would listen and take notice.

I am going through a healing process myself–even after all these years. I am starting to see some things differently, yet some things are unchanged.  I suppose we will all be evolving and changing throughout life.  Give me time. I am getting there and so will you.  We can work on this together,  can we not?  I do not feel that isolating ourselves as groups from one another is an option any longer.

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Never Believe Anyone Who Says “IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!”

This is especially true if you are being served alligator.  I tried it recently.  All I can say is–NEVER AGAIN!  I will admit the cocktail sauce made it a little better…However, while I am NOT opposed to trying anything new at least once, I can now cross this off of my “bucket list” of things I have never done before, and shall NEVER do again! 

I am taking an online TESOL course.  My snack of choice tonight was good old-fashioned POPCORN!  I am now going to go to bed and put on my earphones. It is time for me to tune out the world, the rotten news going on in it and just chill out for the night! Tomorrow I will be back on my mountain and working out a double again!  Have a wonderful evening and PLEASE, alligator is good for handbags, but I do not recommend it for supper!

The Mountain Embraced Me Today!

Yes! You heard it here! I got to walk my mountain today for the first time in a very long time!  My spirit was joyous with every step on my 2.25 mile trek, and I got to see a few finches and sparrows!  They seem to hang around.  I didn’t get to see any cardinals or blue jays, but I once again heard the all familiar rustle of the mesquite beans as the wind brushed them with its warm fingers and then went through the grass.  It was a great symphony of sounds and silence!  I love it when I can just go up there, enjoy the sunshine and listen to everything. 

I feel so alive when I come home from the mountain because the peace it gives me is perfect. I feel as though I am experiencing an embrace, as if I had a strong shoulder to lean on and share things with.  That is the only analogy I can come up with to describe it. I have left an entire life of negativity behind me, and discovered the person I would like to be in that process.  Learning not to depend on others for my identity is a terrific thing.  I can stand alone, yet know I am not because others reciprocate that beautiful flow of energy.  When that mountain embraces me as it did today,  I realize that I am one with it and it with me, and even God has made it that way as far as I am concerned.  It is my duty to help others as I am able.   Now I do still get into the occasional political debate, but it does not change who I am even for a second. 

As I walked, I noticed that nothing is blooming yet, but I did crawl out of my hole and I saw my shadow.  Then I realized a few things on that mountain.  Sometimes birds signal that protection is there…While I was at my mother’s house last week, I saw a blue jay.  Then I saw another one.  I didn’t know why but I felt that everything would be alright and felt a peace about coming back home again.  I found out today that in a lot of Native American tribes, the blue jay being present is a sign of  protection.  My mother always feeds the birds.  In turn, they give her peace of mind, I think.  They definitely gave me that.

There are days on which I wonder what my purpose really is.  I think we all do that.  I feel that mine is to find ways to help others find their own peace.  There are so many good people in the world  who cannot see the good within themselves because they carry guilt around about past mistakes and such.  It took me many years to understand that today is the only thing over which we have some dominion or control.  Many times  as we focus on this present, the past likes to throw up the darkened shadows of our past into our faces.  This dark shadow, or spirit, likes to tell us “You do not deserve this or that!” and all to often, we are dumb enough to listen to that voice.

When the time is right, what you really need will return to you in some fashion because of your own good spirit.   It may be a simple matter of the idea that someone needs someone who not only loves the good qualities about him or her, but who actually believes in the magic he or she can produce.  Everyone can create their own type of magic.  It may come in the form of the kind word during a time of loss, or the lifting of your brother’s spirit when he has lost his faith in himself.  Sometimes all that brother needs to know is that one person believes in what he can do, and then he can see the light at the end of a tunnel.  A kind word can go such a long way toward this.  Many people turn to drink, saying they enjoy it, but it is really the escape from the dark shadow that is lurking behind that they are trying to avoid. 

Light will kill darkness every time.  Most of the time, if one really listens, his (or her) footsteps move toward that person, or those people who come their way in order  to lift their spirits so that they can carry on.  A person who really loves and cares about that person will be the one staying sober to drive this brother (or sister) home when partakes too much of the booze.  In time, as the love grows, he may not need to lean toward that dark shadow as much.  It will kick up worse for a while and try to hang onto him out of fear, but when the light of the person meant to be there is at its zenith, the darkness has to go back and the person can reach out in faith for help.

As the wind embraced me and the sunlight planted its kiss upon my forehead, I discovered that as I have healed, I can use this for others.  I am not able to cook really well, but I can provide a strong shoulder to lean on and let a person know why I feel as I do.  In other words, I can be that friend people really need.  That way I am paying respect to the mountain that never fails to embrace me and to teach me all that I need to know about this life, and those who will come into my path to enrich it.   If I can give them just that wee bit of light to get them through the day,  then that is the best thing that I could ask for, isn’t it?

I truly hope that all of you have a wonderful week!  Don’t forget to tell your loved ones that they are loved, and do not forget to spend time with the child(ren).  It is your light that might just enable them to follow a right and just path in life.  When we are old, only then we see how these life lessons have helped them.  The only important thing we need to remember is that we may not see why it is important to be good right away because if everything is in a circle, like the seasons, love, life cycles, etc…Then whatever you give will ripple outward like the rings of water produced by a stone being skipped across the pond or thrown into it.  It just depends on how wide a scale your one-act can reach.  Either way, others are somehow touched by that energy (I think) and then it just radiates toward the people intended–only to return later like a boomerang, but much more smoothly (and gently)! Good night all, and Happy Valentines Day!

Forgiveness anyone? 1/30/2011

Is anyone in a forgiving mood tonight?  What?  No?  Well I can relate.  I constantly get asked “Why are you mad?”  when I am not mad.  I also get asked why I am upset, when I am really NOT upset.  Have you ever had one of those days where nearly everyone and their well-meaning mother asks you if there is anything they can do to help you to “feel better” when you have tried to convey that just because you are having a moment of unusual quiet, does not mean that you are sad or upset? Well, I had one of those days today! 

What?  Are these people clairvoyant now?  Does everyone have an enquiring mind that really must know the “glory of my story” or something?  There isn’t much to my life.  I get up.  I feed a cat. I work.  I go home. I go to bed.  I get up. I feed a cat. I work. I go home. I–wait a minute!  Are you saying, “Kadja…OH KADJA!  SSSSSSSSSSSSHUT UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!” yet?   I would be if I were you, since it’s beginning to sound suspiciously like Cheech and Chong in this paragraph…

Anyway, I am still a little reclusive.  I am not NEARLY as awful about it as I was two years ago, but I’ve still got a way to go.  Next month’s goal, to go to a live play again–ALONE instead of holing up in the house.  I tend to get upset if the acting is less than what I expect, but I think I can lower my expectations down a notch or two and enjoy it. It isn’t even so much the performances I get pissed off about as it is the writing of the scenes–I mean, a writer should make the scene real enough that people can believe it is possible.

This bullcrap with Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise where she’s around the front of the motorcycle shooting two pistols is NOT something that could happen.  Anyone who has ever fired a shot knows that pistols are not “point and shoot’ mechanisms  like a shotgun is.  You have to line up the friggin’ sights to know that your aim is correct, and unless you are  Mr. Wayne or Mr. Bridges (From the two adaptations of “True Grit”), you aren’t going to hit jack shit while trying to fire two pistols–let alone if you are riding a motorcycle or a bloody horse!

I would be extremely lucky if I didn’t fall on my ass shooting a shotgun,  or break a wrist  shooting a .44 magnum!  Well, I guess I am lucky.  I haven’t fallen on my ass shooting a shotgun…Haven’t tried the .44 yet~! ;-D  Since I no longer work in a correctional facility, I don’t see a need to do so. 

Now that I have thoroughly baffled and befuddled you by making you think that this was going to be some prozac induced post about how miserable my life is, can you PLEASE forgive me for going into this diatribe on bad writing?  I certainly hope so.  I think all of us are guilty of it at one point or another.  At least I didn’t go into the sins of film editing–like the seven shot six-shooter! Oh wait!  That is for another day!

Wordless Wednesday…For once? Well, hopefully captions don’t count!

Next Star Trek Creature or your future father-in-law?

This is what happens when you mess around with the transporter beam!

 

Now this says it all!

 

NO THIS ISN'T FRIGGIN' BROOKLYN! HELL FINALLY FROZE OVER!

 

Hey Cadbury! CHECK MY BUNNY!

 

 

Just the eyes of one of my favorite bloodsuckers!

Ahhhh....Some beach....Somewhere...The perfect place to be!

Wordless Wednesday? I’m doing it early! Well, other than the captions–maybe…DEAR HOLLYWOOD:

Hey Hollywood! Put this guy to work! This guy has GOT to be the most underappreciated actor on this planet right now! Get off your butts and put him to work HERE!

Hmmm…So you think I SHOULD take up Yoga?

You will all know why I am posting this when you see the picture so here is all I have to say on it. 

I would like to know the IF I manage to contort my 48-year-old body into that pretzel pose (lotus pose or whatever you call it), who (if any of you) would be the first to volunteer to fly out to TX (or drive) to pry me apart and get me back to normal using the jaws of effin’ life?

Incidentally, this is the SECOND shortest blog entry I’ve ever made!

Sweet Jesus it hurts even THINKING about this right now!  I shall now do Cardio Interval Circuit by Insanity.   I find that a good workout like that DOES help me to relax!   

With my luck, they’d have to work for 8 hours with the jaws of life to get me out of the mess! LOL  Have a great weekend!

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